Dungeons & Dragons, 3rd Edition was my mainstay of gaming. While I grew up and did a fair amount of gaming with 2nd edition, during that time, I also experimented with a lot of other systems as well such as TMNT and Other Strangeness, Robotech, Star Wars, and Beyond the Supernatural primarily.
When the 3rd edition came out was right at the peak of my gaming life. I mastered the d20 system and played the most with it. It's the system that I default to and understand implicitly. Over the years, as things came and went, moves happened, and the like, I ended up losing or selling my 3rd edition material. Now I've finally received a new (to me, that is) set of the core 3rd edition books. It's nice to have these back in my possession and seating among my other materials.
[UPDATE]
Sadly, I've since had to part ways with these books due to multiple reasons. Alas, maybe someday I'll rebuild my collection.
A few weeks ago, while at a local hobby store (Millennium Games - nice store if you're in the Rochester, NY area), I started to dive through the big box of random dice they have for fun. I quickly discovered what looked like a yellow retro-styled d20. It reminded me of the dice I had when I was a kid. They might be from the red box (Basic Dungeons & Dragons), though I don't recall. The color was about the same as was the lettering.
A couple of minutes later, I had all but a d8 pulled out. I was frustrated. Did they not have it?! It became my mission to find one. I had to have this set, and so I dug in more, nosily scrambling through this massive box of dice. About 5 minutes later, when I was on the verge of giving up and almost in tears, I found it, possibly the only d8 of its kind in there. Mission accomplished!
Having this set is not only a huge nostalgic trip for me but an excellent piece for my collection. While they are not the same dice (the old ones got damaged very easily at the corners), I'm unsure if I will ever play with them. If I ever come across a vintage set, maybe I will put those away and start playing with these. Who knows.
Anyway, why are you still reading this, go buy some dice!
[UPDATE]
Yeah... I gave in and started using them on occasion. I mean, why not? They are dice after all.
The last year has been challenging. I've had to gather myself and slowly get back into anything remotely passing as a hobby.
Last Christmas, I got a bunch of minis, and I've finally pulled them out and started to set up my studio space downstairs. I picked up an airbrush/compressor kit off of amazon, built a work table, and put together a paint spray box. I need to wire up some electrical, put up a shelf, clean up, and I should be ready to start painting all of the minis I have sitting on my desk.
Here's to the tortoise!
[UPDATE]
Still tortoising!
Yeah, my space has changed a bit over the recent years... but I WILL get around to this.
Over the decades this site, like me, has been many things. It's changed a lot, and sometimes it's been forgotten. But throughout all of its history, it has been an exploration. Trying to discover itself and what it's meant to do. What is it trying to explore? I'm not entirely sure. Somewhere in that is a meaning and an identity. Maybe that's the point.
The future of this site is still uncertain, but I have a much better idea today then I did yesterday. All I know for sure is that I need to keep at it, keep working, and keep moving forward. It'll get there.
Anxiety is something I've lived with all of my life, I just didn't really acknowledge it until half a year ago.
Kelly and I were out to watch X-Men: Apocalypse. We don't get to go out very often, and Kelly has been a big X-Men movie fan. After the first I think 15 minutes I felt very strange. A small discomfort had developed in my right arm. I've had these before, so I tried to ignore it, but it continued and grew stronger over the next hour. Kelly noticed and asked if everything was okay. I told her no, that I wasn't feeling well. I didn't know if it was true, but I felt like I was having a heart attack. Kelly checked and confirmed that my heart rate was fairly fast.
So we left the movie and proceeded to the hospital. Once we got there, but before going into the ER, I was feeling a little better, and Kelly suggested maybe a drink to calm down. My heart rate had receded a bit, and maybe I was okay.
We went and got a beer, talked a little bit, but by the time we got back to the car my heart rate had jumped back up and I wasn't feeling well again.
So, we went to the ER, where they did some tests. They were worried I might have a clot, or I might be in the process of having a heart attack. My heart rate was up around 140. They slapped a nitro patch on me, gave me some blood thinners, and we waited.
All the tests came back negative, but they kept me overnight since the test for a heart attack can take hours to show up, and if I was in the process of having one, it would not be showing up yet.
So I stayed the night at the hospital. Couldn't sleep well, I was very uncomfortable. Let's just say my last stay at a hospital many years ago was for back surgery. Not being able to move for several weeks, on top of a bad experience left a few unconscious scars that decided to show up. But that is a story for another day.
This gave me a lot of time to think. I realized that everything started with a scene at the beginning of the movie. It was a scene with Magneto and his family in Russia. It was not a pleasant scene, but it got me thinking of my late father and my own mortality with my kids.
If you read through this blog you will recall that I witnessed my own father's violent death. I recognize that it was not his fault, but I've always felt deep down the pain of him leaving us, and of the horrible step-father that we inherited. This brings on extreme worry that I too may leave my own children and what that would do to them.
While I don't fear death per-se, I immensely worry about it. I always have. I'm not ready to give this up yet, I feel that I've not accomplished whatever it is that I'm supposed to do.
In the end, it was anxiety that I had buried deep inside that lead me to the hospital. I came out knowing what I had to do. I had avoided it all my life, especially taking medication. I had worried that it would change me, strip a part of myself away. After hearing tales from others online for the past couple of years, I no longer felt that way. I wanted to be rid of this, and so I sought help.
It's not perfect, but I've felt better the past several months. I've be more able and willing to take on my emotions and let them come out as I have them instead of stuffing them away.
If you're having problems, seek help. There are many caring professionals out there that do want to, and can, help. Medication isn't for everyone, but don't be afraid of it. It won't make you any less then yourself.
[UPDATE]
Over time I have come to grabs with some aspects of my anxiety, and while I no longer take medication, this experience has been helpful for me to become aware and conscious of my mind. I can only hope your journey is easier just don't fear the demon, it can be overcome.
