This weekend was the first of my "weekends" with the kids (I still can't describe how weird it is to be saying that... again).
So over the weekend there was the usual let them do what they are going to do (you know, early teenagers). But in an effort to help bolster their "cultural" knowledge I had them watch three movies with me, one each night (due to scheduling it was a longer weekend).
We watched "The Fugitive," "Minority Report," and "The Last Starfighter." One excellent movie, one good genre flic, and a good old grade B cult classic.
For me this is a fairly sad "holiday." My mom and grandmothers have all since long passed away, two of them taken long before they were due. I would visit except they're reseting nearly 3,000 miles away.
They were strong women. All three endured a lot in their lives but still came through everything with strength, wisdom, and courage. They were always helpful and usually kind (except when strong words were needed). I didn't get along very well with my mom often, but she was always there if I needed anything regardless of my actions or words.
Rough and sad in some aspects, comforting in others. The end of stuff, yet the continuation of others.
Don't really know what to think of it all. I'm sure I've made the right choices, but there is a heavy haze around everything. An obscurity of the paths ahead. What to do? Which to take? What is the right call?
My age doesn't help in this regard. I no longer have as many options to choose or the freedom to choose some.
There is an impatience in me, a desire to have something solid to guide my way, to help me to make the decisions needed for the path ahead. An impatience that no longer has any anchor nor one in sight.
Which only means that I must anchor it. A task I dread for fear of poorly choosing or rethinking the choice that I made. A fear of a life wasted. I am so flexible, so amenable, that choosing purely for myself is a challenge. I challenge which is long overdue, and partly why I've chosen this path to begin with. A challenge which I honestly have no taste for, but for which matters not.
I can only hope that whatever happens I can look back and have been happy with the choices that I make.
During the move while I was packing stuff up I discovered something disturbing.
I could not find any of Tolkien's works!
Somewhere in the years between when the startup to move from Portland out East until now I have lost these precious tomes! Funny thing about my memory is that I'm not sure if I donated them, gave them to family, or if they got tossed or somehow otherwise lost. Anything is possible since the copies I had of the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings were pretty old paperbacks that were in very bad shape (covers missing or taped back on, pages torn, water damaged, etc) and to be fair I did have them since at least high school if not earlier which explains the poor condition (they got moved around a lot).
This travesty can not be endured!
While my budget is tight I had to pickup a new set of the Middle Earth books. I have all of them now except the Unfinished Tales which should arrive over the weekend.
Hummmm... maybe I shall start reading my favorite of the set tonight, "The Hobbit."
It's the day after and I feel... fine. Back to normal.
Told you I recover fast.
Now just to tackle tasks one at a time (If I can reduce it to that) and we should be good to go for a while. Thankfully several things are already done such as the move, setting up the apartment, some of the "business" end of moving (changing addresses, etc), and handled the first of a couple divorce mediation sessions (only a couple sticking points, but I think those are in the ballpark of being resolved?).
So everything is once again moving forward as it should be.
