During the move while I was packing stuff up I discovered something disturbing.
I could not find any of Tolkien's works!
Somewhere in the years between when the startup to move from Portland out East until now I have lost these precious tomes! Funny thing about my memory is that I'm not sure if I donated them, gave them to family, or if they got tossed or somehow otherwise lost. Anything is possible since the copies I had of the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings were pretty old paperbacks that were in very bad shape (covers missing or taped back on, pages torn, water damaged, etc) and to be fair I did have them since at least high school if not earlier which explains the poor condition (they got moved around a lot).
This travesty can not be endured!
While my budget is tight I had to pickup a new set of the Middle Earth books. I have all of them now except the Unfinished Tales which should arrive over the weekend.
Hummmm... maybe I shall start reading my favorite of the set tonight, "The Hobbit."
It's the day after and I feel... fine. Back to normal.
Told you I recover fast.
Now just to tackle tasks one at a time (If I can reduce it to that) and we should be good to go for a while. Thankfully several things are already done such as the move, setting up the apartment, some of the "business" end of moving (changing addresses, etc), and handled the first of a couple divorce mediation sessions (only a couple sticking points, but I think those are in the ballpark of being resolved?).
So everything is once again moving forward as it should be.
What happens when you're faced with an impossible mountain trek that is the only way forward and you simply have no idea how to navigate it?
Apparently you get overwhelmed and choke.
Between the kids, the divorce, the move, work, gaming, making life changes, getting started on my creativity again, trying to read more, financials, dealing with something else that is important to me, and a few other bits I'm sure I'm forgetting, it sort of snuck up on me and down I went.
It's incredibly rare for me to get that overwhelmed to where everything falls apart. Most of the time I may dally a little (or a lot) or something falls through the cracks, but a complete hit the wall stop doesn't happen to me.
In high school I used to play basketball a lot, and probably should again I just need access to a good hoop, and I remember one day I went for, I think a steal(?), so aggressively I overshot and slammed into the pole hard enough to knock me on my ass for a solid minute.
Once I realized what had happened this afternoon that's how it felt. Completely unexpected, stunned, and staring up at the sky (not unlike an unfamiliar ceiling for you Evangelion fans). It had been building up for a few days but I just refused to acknowledge it until I was on my back.
To my credit I do recover quickly, but I need to remember that I shouldn't be trying so hard on so many things in the first place that I don't see the pole before I hit it.
Deep breaths...
So in the end, today has been a very bad day, but also... also a good day. It's not every day you get a chance to reset. Sadly, it also means I'm incredibly tired, like I fought off a raging illness (plus lack of sleep).
I'll be light on the details, but as I write this I'm now sitting in my new place going through my second divorce. Never thought I would be here, but here I am. This one was long in coming and I'm in a better place now and genuinely happier.
I still have lots to sort out and finish, mostly logistics, but I'm onto a new chapter as they say.
There are things I want to do but for reasons I must hold back and be patient. I need to finish what is in front of me first before I dare go to far ahead, regardless of how much I want to get started now. I've waited a long time for what lies ahead. Hopefully it can wait a few more months. I hope.
As for this site, I will be starting up my Forgotten Tales (the once a week rough short stories I was doing years ago) again soon. Maybe even this upcoming weekend.
The concepts posts will resume at the same time as well so expect those in the near future.
This is an exciting time for me, and a very anxious one. I don't know what the future holds, but I have ideas and hopefully those manifest.
I have a wing and a prayer... I just hope I'm not Icarus.
I'm finally able to look up again and look back and reflect.
The last several years have been... most difficult to say the least. A lot has changed, a lot remains to change.
I will reflect here on recent events in the near future, but there is so much to say and I've not yet completed my current tasks.
Maybe now I can finally start moving in the direction to realize my dreams and not just simply exist like a ghost floating around their final resting place.
Know that I've come to peace with a lot of things and am looking forward to what lies ahead.
